The Internet is abuzz following the news that North Korea has Open Sourced its nuclear weapons program. General Nuk Yu of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is the person behind a new GitHub account that has uploaded ballistic missile and nuclear warhead designs. The readme.md file of the repository says:
“We are setting nuclear weapons free. No longer will imperialistic superpowers hold countries hostage with technological superiority. Now, any country on Earth can take up arms against these imperialistic superpowers.”
The repository also contains a how-to guide to avoiding United Nations sanctions, a list of countries and regimes willing to work together towards an Open Nuclear Stockpile and a manifesto about ensuring world peace through mutually assured destruction.
Furthermore, General Nuk Yu and his staff have launched a KickStarter campaign seeking several billion dollars towards constructing a ballistic missile capable of deterring the USA’s THAAD system^. Apparently the North Korean missile will contain smaller missiles that can shoot down THAAD’s interceptors, essentially rendering the USA vulnerable to nuclear attack.
We reached out to North Korea’s embassy in Sweden who had the following statement for us: “We believe that mutually assured destruction is an important deterrent for nuclear war and that the United States has broken the rules with their THAAD system. We are simply trying to even the odds and ask all peace lovers on Earth to unite and help us.”
As any KickStarter campaign, project Nuke Skywalker has several interesting rewards:
- Pledge 1$: knowledge that you contributed towards world freedom.
- Pledge 20$: your name will be added inside all of the missiles’ CMOS memory, to go up in a ball of fire in case of nuclear war (plus all of the above rewards).
- Pledge 300$: signed poster with Kim Jung Un and General Nuk Yu (plus all of the above rewards).
- Pledge 4.000$: your name will be etched on the inside of the ballistic missiles (limited quantity!) (plus all of the above rewards).
- Pledge 50.000$: your name will be hand-painted (in gold) on the outside of the ballistic missiles (limited quantity) (plus all of the above rewards).
- Pledge 600.000$: personal call with general Nuk Yu on the topic of “world peace” (plus all of the above rewards).
- Pledge 7.000.000$: lifetime tickets for you and a companion to a North Korean Century Vault (a nuclear fallout bunker equipped for survival through a potential nuclear winter) (limited quantity) (plus all of the above rewards).
- Pledge 987.654.321$: luxury apartment for 6 inside a North Korean Century Vault (limited quantity) (plus all of the above rewards).
This text has been published in the “Satire” category for a good reason.