Mentatul

Tag: sweden

  • My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden

    My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden

    Important: this is both a story and a practical list. Practical elements will be usually highlighted in such paragraphs. Although certain conclusions we drew from our experiences may seem like advice, these should not be interpreted as such. These are our experiences and our learnings that we entrust you with, so that you may enrich your knowledge based on this and many other sources of information. May our journey entertain and serve you.

    Ever since Rune was born, I knew that one day I’m going to write this story. The only unknown was when and how to do it. Finally, I have arrived at the right time and, along with it, also came the vision of how I should go about writing this.

    I would like to entertain you while in the same time share with you some of the things we’ve learned about one of the best places in the world when it comes to childbirth. Sweden has one of the lowest infant mortality rates^, but that’s a meaningless statistic compared to what I’m about to tell you. Here’s a little spoiler: Sweden may be great when it comes to childbirth, but things may get complicated soon after the child is born.

    It is my hope that throughout the following pages, you will find not only pleasant times and good vibes, but also useful information and powerful inspiration.

    Part 1 – Withbaby^

    Part 2 – Birthplan^

    Part 3 – Birth^

    Part 4 – Hotel^

    Part 5 – Babyhood^

    [ax_meta fbimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/03152-Miruna-Share.jpg’ lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/03152-Miruna-Thumb.jpg’ fbimgw=’1170′ fbimgh=’350′ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden’ desc=’These are our experiences and our learnings that we entrust you with, so that you may enrich your knowledge based on this and many other sources of information.’]

  • My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 5 – Babyhood

    My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 5 – Babyhood

    This belongs to a series of 5 articles dealing with child birth and the medical system in Sweden – from both a man’s perspective but also from a woman’s perspective, thanks to direct input from my wife. The reasons for writing the series are presented on the start/summary page^ where all 5 articles are linked.

    The drive home was gentle and Rune slept throughout. We got out of the car, entered the building and took the elevator up towards our apartment. The same emotional cocktail that we experienced when we had left the hospital overcame us again.

    We went in our bedroom and placed him on our bed. He was so perfect, all dressed up for winter in a thick overall, a small face surrounded from all sides. And, as if to bless the moment, we saw his very first smile! It lasted only a couple of seconds, but it was as if he was saying: “I approve of your nest”.

    Important: for parents that don’t want or can’t get support from their families: it’s good to have some frozen or refrigerated food prepared for the first days. The baby’s “feeding frenzy” can last about a week and it’s good to not have to worry about cooking. Even assuming you’re feeding formula to your baby, the first days can be a bit chaotic (not necessarily difficult, but random).

    I wish I could write that “our first night at home was magical”. It was not. It was one of the toughest nights we ever had with Rune. He wanted to feed almost non-stop, he became very fussy and cried for the first time since his “birth cry”. This probably happened because we were tired and, on top of that, stressed out regarding the remnants of his umbilical cord.

    In Sweden, after they clamp the umbilical cord, they leave a small bit of it in place, so that it can naturally fall off. Until it falls off, it rots and dries. It’s not the most pleasant of smells, but what’s worse is that Crina had a friend who said one of her children had had a small infection there. Nothing serious, but due to that story we started to get worried.

    Things were made worse because the top of Rune’s diaper was always touching the plastic clamping the umbilical cord’s stump, shaking the piece of flesh down to its root, inside Rune’s bellybutton. The remnants also started to ooze a bit, which we interpreted as the start of an infection.

    While we were changing his diaper, we were debating what to do in a worried and stressed-out voice. Perhaps Rune felt the tension and that’s why he started to cry. Anyway, I called the national health line number where they assured us that we just had to wait it out. Besides, the next day we were already due back to the hospital for a test for some rare diseases.

    The test sounded innocent enough at first. They said they will just get a little bit of blood from Rune. I thought they’re going to be satisfied with some sort of pinprick. But no no. The nurse gave us a little plastic vial containing a sweet mixture, saying that this will calm him while she gets the blood. Oh-kay? Then, she produced a needle, which she proceeded to slide into the back of his little hand, which she had forced into a fist. Then, calmly, she started to move it around, under the skin, looking for little veins. I wanted to strangle her.

    I know, I know, the common view is still that babies forget everything, that they don’t associate pain and whatnot. Even though memory retention is not the same as for adults, I don’t buy for a single second the fact that early experiences don’t affect infants. Actually, I think it’s the exact opposite. I think early experiences set the foundation for a person’s development. This is why I advocate as little intervention as possible.

    This was a rare diseases test. The chances of Rune having such a disease were extremely low. It’s true that an early discovery could make some difference, but these diseases still are incurable.

    As I was cursing myself for allowing this to happen (it was optional, but the hospital strongly recommended we do it), the nurse continued to “hunt” for Rune’s veins. It was horrible. I grimaced as some blood finally started to come out. She thought I have a sensitivity to blood. No, dear, I have no problem watching blood, my problem is with you tormenting my kid (he started to whine a little bit by now).

    And then it was over. These were the longest 5 minutes I have ever lived I think, and definitely the longest since Rune was born. I hereby swear that if I ever have another kid, I won’t subject the creature to such cruel tests unless there is a solid reason to do so (for example, a proven genetic predisposition to such diseases in one of the parents, confirmed by testing ourselves).

    But onwards to happier times. I have a very fond memory from our second evening back home. It was dark, quiet, warm and cozy. I cooked for us and we ate while looking at Rune sleep. Then he woke and, while he ate, I fed Crina. Unlike the baby hotel, this was food cooked by us. I loved serving the little pieces I was cutting and observing the expression of raw satisfaction on my wife’s face.

    Because we were trying to get Rune used to the fact that he doesn’t need to start crying in order to receive food or attention, Crina was always on standby for him. I was “on call” as well. I often gave her water from a cup with a straw, day and night. I cooked a lot and fed her when she wasn’t able to (Rune got used to breastfeed while lying in bed, which made things very easy when it came to co-sleeping).

    The following days and nights became easier and easier as we got used to Rune’s rhythm. Over here, they give dads two weeks of holiday after the child is born. I took two extra weeks, one immediately after the first two and another one, a week later. I organized it this way so that I can go to work for one week – to allow Crina to get used to being alone with the baby – and then come back home another week, so she can have a breather before I return to work 100%.

    Swedes enjoy some of the world’s best social coverage. We get a pot of 480 days (roughly 16 months) that can be distributed among both parents. 90 of those days must be taken by the father, otherwise they are lost. I think it’s great that fathers are encouraged (ahem, forced) to take paternity leave.

    From the 480 days I mentioned, 90 are paid at a very low level so, really, we’re talking about 13 months of 80% salary. In any case, Sweden is definitely in the worldwide top 10 when it comes to parental benefits. However, check Lithuania^ (probably number 1).

    Kindergarten can start as early as 1 year and costs about 60 Euro per month for taking care of your child during the entire workweek. I’ve heard that in the Netherlands they ask for about 10 times as much for three days a week.

    Another great thing in Sweden is the VAB system (the translated acronym means “care of child”). If you have sick children, you can get quite a lot of days off from work (at a lower pay) on account of being home and taking care of them.

    I also appreciated the fact that they paid attention to Crina’s post-birth moods. After the psychologist that visited us at the baby hotel, Crina had a couple of follow-ups with midwives.

    I’ll end here with the praise for Sweden’s excellent child-care system. Now it’s time for the less pleasant stuff, which reared its head as soon as we started with the regular checkups. As I said in the first part of the article, Swedes love their procedures. Sometimes they love them a bit too much I think.

    But before I start ranting, let me make one thing abundantly clear: there is no perfect country on this planet and we love Sweden. We have found a home here, coming from Romania 9 years ago. We respect this society and participate to it body and soul, heart and mind. I know this is one of the best places on Earth to raise a family. I feel truly lucky to be here. I am truly lucky to be here. That being said, let’s see what’s not perfect when it comes to childcare Sweden. And I write this for future parents and decision makers worldwide.

    So, as I said, Sweden is a bit too fond of procedures. Everything has to be done according to some standard or workflow. I assume this is mostly motivated by keeping costs under control, but it’s also a bit cultural I think. Otherwise, at least you’d find some help for “special needs” in the private sector, which you don’t (for example water birthing).

    The cultural aspect has to do with their rather blind faith in their own systems. “We’re so good with infant mortality, so don’t tell us how birth should be handled”. They shut down a water-birthing clinic on account of one death for example, probably because they feared it might tarnish their precious stats, not because there were solid grounds to do so. None of the midwives we met supported alternative birthing methods. There was one who had “heard about” hypnobirthing, but that’s about it.

    Next. Mothers are advised to quit breastfeeding when the infant is around 8 months of age (despite the World Health Organization recommendation to breast feed until at least 12 months). Solids are to be introduced at 4 months of age (WHO recommends no sooner than at 6 months). Swedes are quite unimaginative in regards to how solids are introduced. They assume that all babies should be spoon-fed purees. We met almost nobody who even had a clue about alternative methods such as baby-led weaning^.

    We used baby-led weaning with mostly positive results so far. We are very happy that Rune doesn’t need to be spoon-fed. He can, and has been eating by himself ever since he was 6 months old. Of course, back then, food was merely a curiosity. But other than providing us with countless moments of fun and laughter, his exploration of food has fueled his intelligence, curiosity and willingness to try new things.

    Sleeping recommendations are a mixed bag. To start with, they suggest co-sleeping until the baby is 3 months old. Good! Afterwards, however, they almost recommend leaving the baby to sleep in some other room. I have colleagues who are proud they applied the “cry it out” method^.

    Is there any mammal who does this to its cubs? I understand that perhaps sleeping the child in another room is the only solution in some cases (let’s not forget that the happiness of the parents is also important!), but there are other, more humane methods^ than “cry it out”.

    Co-sleeping can actually work without much loss of intimacy and can create wonderful memories and experiences. I know this because we’re doing it. There are many ways to practice co-sleeping, even with the baby sleeping in a separate bed, close to the parents. However, we chose to opt for the closest we can be to our child.

    Rune sleeps between us and never, ever in 15 months so far did we accidentally harm or wake him. My sleep quality is perfect even though my brain is always aware of his position in bed. And in the mornings, waking up with or being woken up by Rune’s smiling face is a priceless gift, even when I went to sleep late. And yes, he’s always smiling when he wakes up in the morning. No exception. And why wouldn’t he? Mom and dad are there!

    Sending a vulnerable baby in another room just because it’s the current cultural norm is yet another, sorry but there’s no other way of saying it, dumb (as proven by psychology)^, “industrialized parenting” solution. By “industrial parenting” I mean all the range of parenting solutions that were developed in order to get parents back to work as quickly as possible. And Sweden really pushes these methods.

    It starts with encouraging moms to drop breastfeeding as soon as possible on the (completely wrong) pretext that breast milk loses its nutritional value after 8 months. Breast milk changes, yes, but this change is based on the baby’s needs (depending on how much the baby gets from solids).

    Breast milk:

    • doesn’t “lose” nutritional value,
    • doesn’t cause cavities or tooth decay^,
    • it doesn’t lose its quality of helping the baby’s immune system and
    • it definitely doesn’t lose its emotional support value, which is probably the most important thing precisely from 8 months onwards).

    Depriving the baby of this source of nourishment is nothing short of a crime against the baby’s rights.

    Swedes also are very keen on pacifiers, which Crina has studied about intensely. Despite pacifiers having a couple of pros, they have hell-of-a-lot more cons^. Unfortunately, other than interfering with the stimulation of lactation pacifiers may, among others, even end up causing sore nipples^ for the mother (probably) because the baby is becoming more desperate for the real thing.

    Another issue with the healthcare system here is incompetence. Unfortunately, we have met quite a few nurses and doctors which were blatantly incompetent. I’m not going into specifics here. You can find incompetence in any country, but to our surprise, there seems to be a lot of it here. I would say that 1 in 3 people in healthcare has disappointed us. When this happens, we change (ask for a second, third, fourth opinion).

    Last but not least, Swedes have a rather… rushed vaccination program. Probably in order to save costs, there are a couple of occasions in a baby’s first year of life when they administer not one, but two simultaneous cocktail vaccines: one injection in each leg.

    This sounded completely crazy to me from the moment I heard it (from a Swedish dad who told me, with amusement (?!), how his daughter cried when they did this to her). It’s not enough that we’re talking here about cocktail vaccines (containing multiple strains), they also want to do two during the same visit. Oh, by the way, the first time it’s actually in combination with a newly developed oral vaccine as well, so that’s three vaccines in the same day.

    I immediately shot that down when we went to the health center. You’re giving our child one shot today. Not two. They argued that if we do this, the baby will feel side effects from the vaccines (fever, etc.) on two separate occasions. Did they bother to research this statement? First of all, Rune had almost no side effects. Could that be perhaps because we didn’t assault his immune system with two cocktail vaccines at once? Secondly, even if there are side affects two times in a row, it’s better to have lighter side effects than stronger side effects, is it not?

    Last but not least, I don’t think it’s fair for him to have pain in both legs in the same day. I wouldn’t do it as an adult, so I don’t recommend it for a baby either. These are unfair cost-cutting measures that they’ve been taught to sell (if they even believe what they’re saying).

    We did give Rune all his vaccines, but we separated the double-shot in two sessions, a week apart. Fortunately, the health center has accommodated our needs for free, and I respect that. What I don’t respect is that in a country where I’m paying a huge amount in taxes^, they still resort to such measures. What’s even worse is that we’re talking about he most fragile members of society.

    Rant over!

    Important: sometimes the healthcare system needs a push in the right direction. Doctors are there to help, and will gladly do so. If you don’t trust the healthcare professional taking care of you, change. When you feel uncomfortable, communicate politely, but stand your ground. Whatever interventions doctors propose, think about what it feels like to be your baby. Because you can’t speak with your baby, try an educated guess. What option would likely lead to less discomfort for him or her? Keep in mind that two minor discomforts are not as traumatic as one major discomfort. Two minor discomforts are more likely to be forgotten than a major one.

    During the coming months, we went with Rune to various baby-related activities, such as baby massage and baby swim. As per the culture here, we started taking him outdoors regularly ever since he was about a week old (air quality in Stockholm is excellent, and even more so in our area, surrounded by forests and lakes). We did buy a pram, but in his first year of life he definitely spent more hours strapped to us, in the baby carrier.

    Swedes are very keen on having their children outside as much time as possible, something that I greatly approve of. There are kindergartens where they actually sleep children outside, in their pram, even in (single-digit) sub-zero temperatures.

    Many parents speak about their life before children as if it was something they lost. I’d say that this is almost a cultural flaw, a toxic trend that we just can’t seem to get rid of for some reason. Life changes. That’s what it does for a living. If you truly think you’d miss your previous life then, for society’s sake, don’t make children. If you think one’s enough, stop there. Unhappy parents produce unhappy children.

    Listen to your instinct and do what would create the most joy for those around you. The children of the world need you to be happy because they learn by example.

    This concludes the story of our son’s birth and our first few months in the arms of Swedish society. And I do really see it as arms. Despite some imperfections, Sweden is an amazing country to have a family.

    I’m happy that Rune was born here and that he bears a name with a strong Nordic legacy. I wish that his Latin blood will form a wonderful synergy with the Nordic culture and way of life.

    [ax_meta lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/03122-Miruna-Thumb.jpg’ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 5 – Babyhood’ desc=’We went in our bedroom and placed him on our bed. He was so perfect, all dressed up for winter in a thick overall, a small face surrounded from all sides.’]

  • My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 4 – Hotel

    My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 4 – Hotel

    This belongs to a series of 5 articles dealing with child birth and the medical system in Sweden – from both a man’s perspective but also from a woman’s perspective, thanks to direct input from my wife. The reasons for writing the series are presented on the start/summary page^ where all 5 articles are linked.

    It took about 30 minutes for Rune to stop screaming just after being born. We started to get a bit worried, but we knew that he had also probably been awake throughout the 11-hour birth. He had been instinctually working together with his mother while in the same time wondering what’s going on. For a 9-month old, that’s a tough day, so no wonder he was a bit grumpy. Plus, breathing isn’t exactly something he was used to either.

    Crina had lost more blood than is usual during the birth. This had me rather concerned for a while, but the midwives assured us that she will be fine. After the monumental effort she had been through, I was surprised to see her so alert, especially as I was slowly falling apart.

    Never in my life had I abandoned myself in such a way. I hadn’t eaten since the day before, and it was almost 23:00. I lived through the birth with air and water alone. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, I was beginning to realize just how starved I was. Luckily, the Swedes had something special in store for us…

    The fabulous post-birth celebratory snack! We had heard of this tradition. We had been told by multiple people that knew how it is to give birth in Sweden that it’s going to be among the best foods we would ever eat. But first, it was time to go to our room at the baby hotel.

    The baby hotel is one of the most kick-ass things about giving birth in certain countries, including Sweden. This was the only thing we actually had to pay for so far, but it was at an amazing price for the value. We stayed there for 3 nights. The stay included two main meals per day, a breakfast, snacks and soft drinks. There was a good selection of courses, most of them microwaveable, available 24-7. All I had to do was to go to the fridge, pick whatever, whenever, warm it up and eat it in the kitchen or, take it in the room to serve the wife who was busy with the breastfeeding.

    But here’s the real kicker: 24-7 support from midwives at the push of a button! Yeah, that’s right. There was a red button next to the bed. Minutes after pressing it, round the clock, a midwife would come and help us and answer any questions. So, paying roughly 180 Euros, grand total, for all of us for 3 days is arguably one of the best deals in the Universe.

    We arrived in our room at roughly 23:30. It had its own bathroom, two side-by-side beds, a small bed-on-wheels for Rune and a baby nest, a table and two chairs. On the table, we had a “baby start pack”, consisting of diapers, some cremes and a couple of other baby-related products.

    Important: first-time parents can find a baby hotel to be of great help. Even if it is expensive, getting a good start especially when it comes to breastfeeding can make all the difference during the coming days and weeks. If such a thing isn’t available in your country, perhaps other similar services are (for example midwives that come to your home, or health centers where you can go with first-time parent questions).

    A bit before midnight, shortly after we had entered our room, a nurse came with the most wanted snack on Earth. It was more than I expected. On the platter were four slices of bread with cheese and ham, some vegetables, two glasses of sweet, bubbly cider and a little stick with a small paper Swedish flag (awwwww!). This was almost a dinner.

    We ravaged the plate, trying to remind ourselves to also enjoy the sublime taste of the food. It really was very good, but I have to confess that us being famished probably contributed to the fact that, to this day, we still consider that simple midnight dinner to be among the best meals we’ve ever had.

    We found this wonderful tradition to be cute, considerate and respectful towards parents. This is a country that celebrates its families more than I could have imagined. Even though it wasn’t me who gave birth and went through a titanic effort, I felt like a hero that’s being offered the royal banquet.

    A few practical matters followed. Two midwives came and politely asked us if they can weigh Rune. Pay attention: this was roughly 3 hours after our boy had been born and, if we wanted, we were allowed to wait with the procedure until later. We looked at Rune. He seemed to be sleeping soundly, so we agreed weigh him now. They brought the scale in the room and that’s how we found out that Crina had been tucking a 4 kilos baby in her little belly. With the weighing done, the midwives quickly left us well enough alone.

    Compare this to countries where they take the baby away from the mother shortly after birth and slam the poor creature in a glass container. I find those procedures to be utterly barbaric. I try not to make strong statements on this site, but I cannot contain my disapproval towards those who are ignorant enough to think that treating a baby that way is even remotely humane!

    Whatever excuses they have, it’s the 21st century and Sweden, a country with record-low infant mortality, should be living proof that the “stick the baby in a jar” method has absolutely no medical benefit. Although perhaps it does have some economic benefit for drug companies and who-knows else, since it gives the poor kid his or her first major trauma. Oh, and for those claiming that light therapy requires the baby to be isolated in an aquarium away from the parents, guess what: in Sweden they bring the light treatment to the family’s room. Yes, technology can be amazing if used right.

    Important: if the birth would have taken place at home, nobody would take the baby away from the parents. As a fragile being taking the first breaths, the warmth, smell and comfort of a parent’s skin is of critical importance. As Rune slept on Crina’s breast, he could hear her heartbeat, the same heartbeat that he had heard for several months already. He was no longer inside her but even so, he knew that his mother was nearby. Even if as adults we cannot remember those moments, the brain’s development is based on all the feelings that it experiences. Even if a baby is not able to understand what’s going on in the surrounding world, it is most definitely able to feel fear or comfort and these leave a lasting imprint on the very foundation of the baby’s neural patterns.

    It was a magical first night. Despite the midwives’ advice to sleep, Crina could not, which isn’t uncommon for mothers. I managed to grab a few hours here and there, but would often wake and help Crina with whatever she needed: water, questions, changing Rune’s first couple of diapers (we had some help with this from the midwives, and they also showed us a good position for washing his behind, above the sink).

    And speaking of washing – they don’t recommend bathing babies until they’re at least one week old. There are multiple important reasons^ for this, such as the protective “wax” the infant is born with. Another reason is the “stump” of the umbilical cord. In Sweden they allow it to fall by its own accord, and getting water in that area isn’t indicated during the first few days.

    Rune had made an attempt to breastfeed during the first few hours of life, which is one of the most important reasons why over here they do not take the baby away from the parents (ever). Those first reflexes of the infant help the mother trigger lactation. After that, he slept for about 24 hours.

    The next day we had a good breakfast and tried to get some sleep back. We also spent some time talking or chatting with family, close friends and a few other people about the birth. I made sure to keep Crina well fed and hydrated, as we were told this is very important for her milk production.

    During the second night, Rune started to wake up and breastfeed. We called the midwives several times, just to make sure he’s always latching correctly. We received advice from several different women, from different shifts. This gave both of us a wide variety of methods to make sure that Rune feeds correctly. For example, they taught us how to remove him from the nipple if he doesn’t take it correctly (by inserting our little finger next to the nipple). I helped as much as I could in positioning him and making sure Crina can lie or sit comfortably.

    Important: a baby that doesn’t learn to latch properly from the first days can mean a great deal of trouble later on. For example, the baby may start biting, a behavior that may take a while to change and can lead to sore nipples. Or, lactation might be affected. Making sure that breastfeeding works well should be treated almost as seriously as the preparations for birth, because breastfeeding is the most natural and healthy way a baby can eat.

    Rune went through his first medical test during our second day at the baby hotel. They checked if he has jaundice. There was a little bit, but nothing serious, so he needed no light therapy. We ate and we relished in the spectacle of him sleeping “quietly” – babies often make weird (read: funny) sounds after birth, until their respiratory system clears up. He started to feed every now and then, increasing in intensity and duration.

    During the third night, we got a bit worried regarding Crina’s lactation. After his solid, long sleep, Rune entered his “feeding frenzy days”, something that we had read about in the brief but excellent “new parent brochure” that we found in the “baby start pack”. He was feeding almost non-stop, sometimes exhibiting signs of frustration with the breast.

    However, the midwives assured us that even though he might not get much from the breast during the first few days, Rune is well-equipped to survive with less milk than Crina could currently provide. This was information that was already known to us. Crina had to endure through his feeding frenzy, because Rune’s frustration is what would help in stimulating lactation. The more time he spent at the breast, the sooner and more the lactation would increase.

    Important: in normal conditions (not talking about mothers who can’t breastfeed due to various medical reasons), babies do not need artificial supplements (aka formula) in addition to the mother’s milk. The infant can drop as much as 10% in weight (Rune dropped 7%) without any problems whatsoever. Moreover, introducing supplements increases the risk for digestion problems (colic) and other issues. There’s an even worse situation: relying solely on supplements deprives babies of natural, healthy nutrients. And, according to this^ amazing discovery^, the child is capable of requesting antibodies from the mother through saliva. The mechanism makes total sense: a certain amount of saliva is reabsorbed by the breast, and this saliva contains instructions for the mother’s body. The mother then produces the required antibodies and administers them to the child during the next breastfeeding. Isn’t our body amazing? Good luck doing this with formula.

    Rune’s desire to eat was almost comical. Sometimes, he would “attack” the breast. He would squirm himself into the breast while whining a little bit. He didn’t need to cry though. We were there at all times and we co-slept for the entire duration. We didn’t even use the baby nest after the first night because he wanted to almost constantly be at Crina’s breast. Our worries transformed into soaring satisfaction when, after one period of feeding, we saw a drop of milk hanging from his lower lip.

    Throughout our 3-day stay at the baby hotel, they came two or three more times to perform various tests. I wasn’t exactly thrilled by this, but I guess it’s good to know if your baby has a problem earlier rather than later. The tests didn’t seem to disturb him too much. They checked heart, lungs, eyes, head, testicles, feet and skin (a little jaundice, but again, nothing that wouldn’t go away in a week or two, they thought).

    A psychologist also visited us. She wanted to check how Crina is feeling after the birth and to warn about the impending post-trip (oxytocin) crash called “the baby blues”. The psychologist gave us a bit of preventive couple counselling regarding the upcoming few “might be difficult” days and weeks. Post-partum depression^ is not taken lightly in Sweden.

    Then, it was time to go home. As we were heading for the car, a unique, never-felt-before emotion came over us. A mix of joy, hope, relief and determination. It moved us towards the future, bringing tears in Crina’s eyes.

    [ax_meta lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/03081-Miruna-Thumb.jpg’ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 4 – Hotel’ desc=’The word "Go" in the title is not coincidental. Much earlier than expected, an AI program managed to defeat a human Go champion.’]

  • My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 3 – Birth

    My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 3 – Birth

    This belongs to a series of 5 articles dealing with child birth and the medical system in Sweden – from both a man’s perspective but also from a woman’s perspective, thanks to direct input from my wife. The reasons for writing the series are presented on the start/summary page^ where all 5 articles are linked.

    It was a sunny Saturday morning, just like the Saturday when we found out that we’re withbaby. We started our day just like we did every other day but, of course, it wasn’t going to be just like every other day.

    In the previous part^ I mentioned that, according to new discoveries, the signal that triggers the birth is coming from the baby. However, I believe that the communication is bidirectional and that a sort of negotiation takes place. Mother and child communicate through a language that we cannot even guess at. And, using this language, Crina, who knew that there will be less traffic on the motorways on Saturday, had agreed with WinterKid that they will meet this day. I’m only half-joking.

    So yes, on this Saturday morning, Crina’s body started to help WinterKid towards his meeting with us. We later realized that her body had been doing preparations for a few days already. That’s probably why things moved quite fast during the morning.

    Crina’s water broke without much pain, but then she started to have powerful contractions, which in hypnobirthing are referred to as waves or surges. I like that term, because it’s both an accurate and a creative description of how the body pushes the baby forward in a natural but relentless way. “Contractions” is, again, a rather cold medical term that sacrifices emotion for precision. And birth, as I found, is very much about emotion.

    Important: a woman’s mood during her birthing time is very fragile. One wrong word or look can easily interrupt her focus. It is therefore imperative that the partner and staff show love, understanding and patience. Nothing short will suffice. I think this was one of the very few times in my life when I completely forgot about my ego.

    I have to confess that WinterKid’s decision to come out and meet us caught me by surprise. The baby was a week early and, statistically speaking, first-borns choose to get out slightly after the average due date. But also as I said in the previous part, WinterKid seemed like an enthusiastic little fellow (“little” because Crina’s belly was considered below average given the baby’s age).

    Thanks to my wife’s always “well-researched and well-prepared” style, we had a lot of stuff ready for immediate take-off towards the hospital. We called BB Stockholm to tell them that Crina’s and WinterKid’s work had started. They asked us to time the contractions and call back in about an hour. I spent that hour being close to Crina and supporting her when the waves were getting intense, helping her with the count and running around the house grabbing stuff almost at random and shoving them in bags.

    Crina was walking around the house with slow steps, supporting herself against some wall when it was becoming too intense. She was moaning, under the pressure of her own muscles. I tried to assist with some hypnobirthing methods but her state of mind wasn’t exactly ready for that. Even so, I felt confident. I believed that she was doing what she had been preparing to do, and doing it very well.

    I couldn’t help thinking of cultural references regarding childbirth (insert images with women in agony here). Compared to those, while not exactly having the time of her life, she was definitely “in control”. Of course, I suspected that the hard part is yet to come, but I harbored hope that the teachings we had from hypnobirthing would help us.

    Important: a tip for a birthing woman’s partner: it’s ok to be surprised or even shocked, as long as you know what you have to do. Make sure you do your homework several weeks before the birthing time. Maybe you won’t have all your bags ready for departure, but a list of items and things to do will do miracles.

    After one hour we called the hospital. They confirmed that it’s time for us to go there. It appeared like there was room for us at our favorite place, BB Stockholm. I went for the car (they don’t normally send an ambulance in Sweden; you either drive of they pay for the taxi).

    I had time for one phone call as I was walk-running towards the parking lot, situated about 5 minutes away from our apartment building. I needed to beam out some of the strong emotions that were gripping me, so I called our friends with whom we had been at the African restaurant the previous evening.

    When I came back, Crina was rather… spaced-out. I attribute this to the skyrocketing natural production of endorphins^ in her body. Body chemistry during childbirth is amazing^. Throughout a natural, healthy birthing process, the body is able to partially anesthetize itself. It is such knowledge which lies at the foundation of hypnobirthing. The assumption is that the more the brain is aware and connected to the present moment, the more it can work with the body to facilitate birth.

    Important: the birthing process depends on a staggering number of variables. Psychological factors can ensure the production of more endorphins, but the woman’s pelvis might not have softened enough to facilitate an easy passage through the birth canal (practice daily perineal massage!^). The baby might be in the wrong position, but an experienced midwife can massage it back into place. Relax, nothing is under control.

    I carried our stuff to the car, then helped her to the elevator and onto the passenger’s seat. We then set out for a calm, beautiful sunny Saturday morning ride. Her waves had taken a break, just like we were told they would. The body can (and will) temporarily pause the birthing process when surroundings change. This is one of the strongest arguments for homebirth: the environment doesn’t change and the birth is even more natural. But Sweden isn’t in the top 5 countries when it comes to birth safety for no reason. The system only supports home birth starting with the second child.

    We arrived at the hospital quickly, thanks to the low weekend traffic. We were taken to our room without delay. I wasn’t sure if we were going to be allowed to stay. According to Swedish regulations, they accept a woman for birthing when her cervix is open at least 4 centimeters. When the cervix is open 10 centimeters, then the actual birth can begin. But the road to those 10 centimeters, we had learned, is long.

    As a midwife was checking Crina, I was keeping my fingers crossed that her cervix is at least 3 centimeters open. Then, we could perhaps stay in the maternity ward as opposed to being forced to wait outside or, worse, be sent back home. It’s been known to happen.

    So, knowing all this, imagine our faces when the midwife, rather surprised herself, said: “your cervix is 8 centimeters wide now. You’ve done terrific work all by yourself.” I could feel the admiration in her voice. My jaw dropped. Crina was too into it to take in that amount of surprise, but I compensated for the both of us. I kissed her, encouraged and congratulated her for the amazing work she has done with her body.

    I am still not sure to what circumstance we should attribute this excellent start: hypnobirthing? The fact that she’s a strong, ambitious woman? The fact that her body is well-suited for giving birth? Luck? A bit of everything? It didn’t really matter. What mattered (at least to me) was that it seemed like this was going to be an easy birth. We were so close to meeting our baby. I could hardly believe she was that far into the birthing process.

    Important: expectations are a two-edged sword.

    We remained in the same room. This made me very happy because it was beautiful. In (most) other countries, you could easily have 4 births going on in the same space. Other than the sensor equipment and some extra piping on the walls, there was almost nothing else that indicated this is a hospital. There was a large couch in one corner, generous windows, chairs, a coffee table, a couple of closets and a bathroom. A bit later I noticed that there was a bit more to the room that met the (untrained) eye: a gym ball, a small chair and a walking frame – various tools (both ancient and modern) to accommodate a woman’s birthing needs.

    The midwife, called Lysa, hooked Crina to a couple of sensors. It didn’t look exactly necessary to me, nor comfortable, but she was only taking measurements from time to time. It didn’t seem like she was distracting my wife too much either.

    The first couple of hours went really fast. Lysa helped Crina to change positions a couple of times. She seemed to take a liking to the walking frame, which had supports for the elbows and had wheels so that she could walk around the room slightly bent over it. From time to time, when the surges were getting very intense, she would stop and get support from both the frame and the ones around her. Occasionally, Lysa would have to get Crina back to bed so that she could take measurements.

    Then, all of a sudden, roughly two hours into our stay there, Lysa declared that Crina’s cervix was now fully open: 10 centimeters. Now it was time to start pushing so that WinterKid can start moving down the birth canal. I was overjoyed because I wanted Crina to have an easy birth.

    She was having very powerful surges, but the baby wasn’t progressing too much. A second midwife joined us sometime during this period. Her name was Kiki and she sure knew how to make an awesome smoothie. She brought two such drinks, one for Crina and one for me. I just tasted mine, then gradually served both drinks to my wife, as I figured she needs the nutrition more than I do. I drank water when I was remembering to, which was not often.

    The following two hours Crina continued to try and help WinterKid get out, but to no avail. Kiki massaged her while Lysa did some awesome acupuncture: it really helped Crina to go through the next series of surges. Sometimes the surges would calm down slightly. At these times, we thought the body is getting ready for the final push, as we had learned it does.

    Important: a clock may show time as flowing with a constant speed, but we all know that a human’s perception of time can be quite relative. During this day, I found time to be very relative. For the most part, time flew with dizzying speed. Sunset came around 16:00. I could barely believe it when the golden light of the departing sun spilled into our room. Yet, there were moments that took an eternity and it felt like we had gone through weeks of work.

    I supported Crina the best I could, following the tips I had learned during our hypnobirthing preparation. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like she enjoyed my style of support, or my talking, so then I reverted to just being there, giving her water, holding her hands or massaging her. I think my lack of training is partially to blame. I couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty over this: could I have prepared better? For sure! But what good is blame at times like this? Love, focus, do what you can!

    Luckily, Lysa turned out to be an amazing midwife, who I believe had at least heard of hypnobirthing, because she was helping Crina relax using almost identical exercises to those that we had practiced at home. Between surges, Lysa was asking Crina to go to the special place of peace and beauty where she always imagined herself during her hypnobirthing preparations. She was also repeatedly encouraging her with a phrase that is now history in our relationship and that I sometimes use for my wife: “super-strong you!”

    Five hours in, we were still there. Lysa discovered that a certain area of the birth canal wasn’t allowing WinterKid to progress. She tried to help by pushing upwards with her fingers during a surge, but it didn’t work. Kiki, who had assisted us for hours now, gave Crina some massage that she seemed to appreciate a great deal. Then, she received sterilized water injections in her back, another natural pain remedy.

    At one point, she started to become a bit afraid that she’s disappointing me with her “hypnobirthing performance”. I was mind-blown by such an outrageous statement, but instead offered her all the encouragement I could muster. And on the birth went…

    Important: the chemistry between mother and midwife (or doctor) is extremely important. As I said earlier, the birthing process summons some very powerful emotions. Experienced staff know how to anchor these emotions and how to reflect positive energy back towards the mother. If the mother or partner feel that the collaboration isn’t working the way it should, immediately request for a change of staff, if such a thing is even possible. In Sweden, it is. Don’t wait until the end of the shift! I can’t stress enough how important it is for the mother to have experienced, positive, connected people around her during her birthing time.

    They asked Crina if she wants any sort of anesthetic. It wasn’t going to be of much use now anyway, since the cervix was fully open, so she decided that she will continue the journey using only natural remedies. I am happy she was in the position to do so. Not all mothers get this chance and neither should they necessarily yearn for this.

    Important: The mother knows best what she needs during her birthing time. The more the mother is in tune with her ancestral, instinctual knowledge, the better choices she can make. This is why deprogramming and getting away from cultural trends is vital well before even becoming withbaby. Hypnobirthing (which consists of several different practice areas) is quite good at dealing with softening and even erasing social norms and pressures that would otherwise become a burden for the mother’s psyche during these critical moments.

    Around 18:00, they proposed that Crina goes for a dip in the vertical bathtub that they had in another room. Kiki went and prepared it. Soon, we were in a dark room, lit only by a bunch of electrical candles. In the middle was the vertical bathtub, where Crina got in with our help. She could stand or sit; the water was high enough to cover her breasts. I brought our portable speaker and played some of Crina’s chosen music. Kiki brought us two glasses of very sweet lemonade. I gave it all to Crina again, since the sugar would provide quick fuel for her to burn.

    She then tried some nitrous oxide, but didn’t consider it too helpful. After about 20 minutes, Lysa gave us good news: it seemed like the baby had cleared the difficult area and could now proceed onwards through the birth canal. Crina wanted to get out, so we went back to the room. All this took about an hour, as we paused anything we were doing to support her when the waves would come.

    Important: a change of scenery is always worth considering. So is switching positions often. This facilitates the baby’s journey through the birth canal. Crina seemed to be in tune with her mother instincts regarding this, because she was very keen on changing positions often. She also loved walking around with her elbows propped on the metal frame, which we dubbed her “little car”.

    Back in our room, Crina received another session of acupuncture. She was getting very warm, so I started applying cold, wet compresses on her forehead and neck, which she loved. I also joined Kiki in massaging her feet. I wished there could have been two of me in that room, so I could do more things. Crina really loved Kiki’s massage, who told us it’s a skill she learned from her husband.

    I was and will always be amazed with the skill and dedication of our midwives at BB Stockholm. They went way beyond what was required of them, including staying with us even though their shift was over. They were both highly experienced, judging by the multitude of different ways they helped Crina.

    One thing that I’ll never forget is how Kiki taught my wife about the primal scream. She said that when the surges are getting too intense, she should scream from the lower part of her chest. This, apparently, helps with pushing the baby. I also believe that it triggers other functions of the organism, such as generation of various hormones and neurotransmitters that help during critical situations when the body needs to give it its all.

    Not only that, but the baby hears the scream and, thanks to the birth instincts that are at play, is possibly cued into action. After all, the baby wants to get out too. As an interesting parenthesis: battle cries^ have long been said to exist for the purpose of instilling fear in the enemy, but perhaps these powerful vocal manifestations are also generating hormones that help warriors in battle.

    Important: a friend who is about to give birth soon, shared with me something her midwife told her. As a mother giving birth, you have a “birth card” that you can use to do whatever you want. Perhaps this goes without saying, but sometimes it doesn’t. The sooner the mother listens to her instincts and does whatever the body wants to do (scream, dance, box, jump around), the better.

    Crina made constant progress after the journey to the vertical bathtub. Soon, WinterKid’s head started to show. The midwives invited me to touch it. The baby had quite a bit of dark hair. I touched it very lightly and respectfully. Somehow it just didn’t seem to me like a man’s hand belongs in this process.

    And then we came to the climax. Crina preferred to be standing for the last portion of WinterKid’s birth, supporting herself against the walking frame. Lysa and Kiki positioned themselves on the floor to assist her. This moment is too powerful to describe in words. It has what I call a “singularity quality”, which is a scientific expression for the divine. The sheer intensity of what she was going through was blinding.

    At long last, an expression of pure relief came over Crina’s face and then WinterKid was out. She cried with tears of joy. What I saw, heard or felt is irrelevant, and so is what others saw, heard or felt. What matters is what she felt.

    What Crina says about her birthing time is that it was, quite simply, AMAZING. She told me later that evening that she would greatly enjoy going through this again. And that’s all that matters. That’s what I call a great birthing experience. Perhaps it wasn’t the easy birth I had wished for her, but it was all as it should have been.

    Seeing her go through this ritual has increased my already-high respect for women. She was braver than I’ve ever been, and brought forward more determination than I’ll ever have. Women are heroes. I honestly wish more men worldwide to witness such moments.

    She got back into the bed, with WinterKid screaming at her breast. I was so into it that I didn’t even consider looking if it’s a boy or girl. I was just stuck there, taking in the image of her and our baby. Only when she asked me did I look and told her we have a baby boy.

    Lysa and Kiki were there, celebrating with us, a bit after 21:00, long after their shift had ended. Only now did I allow myself to take a couple of pictures. The second shift of midwives arrived and, after consulting with her, administered Crina a shot of oxytocin, to help with expelling the rest of the placenta faster.

    They also asked us if we want to administer our boy a vitamin K shot^. I would have opted for an oral means of administration, but Crina decided, on the spot, that she wants him to have the injection (which is more effective). He was screaming without interruption so this was as good a time as any.

    After some time had passed, they offered me the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord, which I humbly declined. Again, I didn’t feel like it was my role to interfere much. I felt like I should be a quiet (but present) supporter and stand aside, in awe and respect towards the ancient tribe of women, carrying our species forward.

    Important: in Sweden, they perform delayed umbilical cord cutting^. This is in line with recommendations from the World Health Organization^. If this is not done in your country, then it is simply a matter of you instructing your staff what to do. And make no mistake here: YOU are the master of how your offspring should be greeted upon birth. Inform yourself and make the decisions you feel are right. Especially if you live in a democratic country, they cannot interfere in the birthing process more than you allow them to. And this applies to any and all decisions during the birthing time. By all means, take professional advice, but also be informed and listen to your instinct.

    After they cut the umbilical cord, I got to hold our baby boy at my breast. Like many other moments during this day, it was one to never forget. I just lay on the couch and let him scream it out while I felt his skin upon mine. In Sweden, they emphasize the importance of the baby having as much skin-to-skin as possible with the parents during the first days of life.

    I will forever be thankful to Sweden because it allowed us to experience such a birth. Not only did society here help us understand the importance of natural birth, but the maternity wards in this country are simply luxurious. Sure, it’s too bad they don’t allow water birthing anymore and I’m convinced there can be even better birthing conditions, but for us, this was way, way beyond what we would have dreamt of.

    I still have no idea how come we were lucky enough to have two midwives taking care of us for almost 8 hours. And what midwives! Experienced, warm, professional and completely devoted. I cannot imagine a better team for Crina’s birthing time than the team she was gifted from BB Stockholm.

    And so, Rune was born.

    [ax_meta lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/03040-Miruna-Thumb.jpg’ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 3 – Birth’ desc=’As a father, I felt like I should be a quiet (but present) supporter and stand aside, in awe and respect towards the ancient tribe of women, carrying our species forward.’]

  • My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 2 – Birthplan

    My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 2 – Birthplan

    This belongs to a series of 5 articles dealing with child birth and the medical system in Sweden – from both a man’s perspective but also from a woman’s perspective, thanks to direct input from my wife. The reasons for writing the series are presented on the start/summary page^ where all 5 articles are linked.

    Regarding the birth itself, Crina’s opinions changed quickly in Sweden. In our home country of Romania, C-sections are very popular. That is not surprising because C-sections are fast and can be scheduled at a doctor’s whim. There are even wealthy Romanian mothers and trend-setters who consider natural childbirth as something primitive. This is the society we came from and I’ll leave it at that.

    Sweden is at the completely opposite end of the spectrum. Here, if a mother asks for a C-section, it is not uncommon for the midwife to recommend some therapy sessions with a psychologist in order to address fears and misconceptions about natural childbirth. Luckily, Crina didn’t need that. She had renounced her fear of natural childbirth after her first few years of life here.

    After the first couple of appointments, midwives will begin to talk to parents about their birth plan. They want parents to envision and think about this as early as possible, so that all concerns can be addressed well before the time comes.

    The birth plan will be sent to the hospital where the woman gives birth, so that the midwives there are fully aware of what is the intended course of action, from the parents’ side, before the birth even begins! The birth plan is not only a very practical thing to do, but is also a powerful statement regarding the fact that the woman is entitled to have the birth she desires.

    The birth plan contains things such as:

    • how to set up the room where the event will take place (light intensity, music to play, emotional support props such as clothing, items with emotional meaning, pillows and blankets)
    • decisional frameworks, such as the very useful BRAIN^ (what are the Benefits, what are the Risks, are there any Alternatives, what does your Instinct tell you, what if you do Nothing)
    • what to do if the baby is late to come out (we considered natural birth-inducers such as raspberry leaf tea)
    • what if the baby is in the wrong position (this is not a valid reason for a C-section in Sweden: there are midwives who are trained in changing the baby’s position through massage)
    • what pain relief methods to use. We were particularly interested in natural pain relief, that is, not based on heavy drugs. Here is an excellent list of natural pain relief options^.
    • what to do after birth? For example, what to do with the placenta? Some mothers keep it^.

    When WinterKid was around 3 months old, we found out about hypnobirthing^. This method of childbirth consists of adopting and maintaining a state of calm throughout the birthing process. This allows the body to do what it can naturally do since forever, before humans started to interfere in the process and, worse of all, encourage interventions.

    Don’t get me wrong here, we’re vaccinated adults. We’re totally not against well-documented medical procedures. But even though C-sections and other interventions have saved lives, they’ve become over-used due to cultural bias. We connected very well with the message of a calm, natural birth, so we went on this route from the very beginning.

    Hypnobirthing is based on the undeniable fact that the human body is, in general, naturally equipped to deal with childbirth safely, and perhaps even painlessly. And speaking of painless, were you aware of birthgasms^?

    Crina started and completed an excellent hypnobirthing course by Australian Kathryn Clark^. The first chapter of her Hypnobirthing Home Study Course has amazing value even for those that don’t care about hypnobirthing. It tackles one of the most terrible cultural trends that is currently very popular in our so-called developed countries: the very fact that having a baby is handled as some sort of disease.

    In popular culture, childbirth is advertised as a horribly painful experience. Nowhere is it mentioned that perhaps a woman’s screams during child birth could be a pure manifestation of her primal instincts. Spoiler: they usually are, but more on that in Part 2 of this story.

    Crina listened (often together with me) to audio tapes containing visualization exercises. These harnessed the power of imagination with the purpose of removing negative thoughts and reaching a state of deep calm. In the book I mentioned above there’s also a very useful chapter for the mother’s birthing partner.

    Important: having a child is not a sickness. In several developed countries they support home birthing and they discourage the intervention in the natural process. Sweden is one of those countries. Here, there are no doctors present during childbirth unless warranted by a complication. It is just the mother and her offspring, usually the husband, and a midwife (sometimes two). There are, however, changes in how the mother is advised by the midwife throughout the birth process, depending on the hospital one chooses. We went to Information Evenings for two of the main hospitals here in Stockholm. At the large Southside Hospital, they were quite balanced in their approach, while at BB Stockholm, they seemed to be slightly biased towards natural childbirth (they try to refrain from interventions unless there are insurmountable difficulties).

    Because hypnobirthing taught us that the more one intervenes during childbirth the less control the body has, we decided to have the hospital in Danderyd as our first option. There is no guarantee that there is room for a mother to give birth at a given hospital, in which case she will have to go to another hospital. Danderyd actually has two maternity wards: a state-owned one and the privately-owned BB Stockholm (which we picked), located in the same building.

    Now let’s discuss the sensitive topic of interventions. The most important thing that we learned after attending our first and only birthing course in Stockholm (focused on hypnobirthing) was that it is risky (if not outright dangerous) to interfere with the body’s management of the birth. There is something called the cascade of interventions^). It often happens that the more humans interfere with the process of birth, the more chaotic it gets.

    There is proof that the child signals^ that the birth can begin. Therefore, when humans try to hurry this up through invasive procedures, there is a higher probability of things not going well, because the child is, of course, taken by surprise.

    When it comes to heavy anesthetics such as the epidural or spine injection, these heavily interfere with the body’s ability to trigger and direct waves and surges (aka contractions) with the right timing and intensity. They decrease in frequency and the mother also cannot feel how much to push. What doctors do then is to administer artificial oxytocin^ in order to speed up the waves and surges. That leaves the mother pretty much in the hand of chemicals and circumstances out of her control.

    Don’t get me wrong: it is very important that the mother can go ahead with the birthing, so these chemical remedies do have their uses. But because of the cultural influence I mentioned earlier, people today have become rather trigger-happy when it comes to interventions. I am happy to be able to base my “non-intervention statements” on the official stance of Sweden and several other developed countries when it comes to childbirth: let the body do what it does best and don’t mess with things if you don’t have to.

    Important: the female body is built to give birth. Special cases aside, most women are equipped to give birth naturally, sometimes painlessly. There are cases of even having an orgasm during childbirth. The most important thing during childbirth, by far, is for the woman to trust her body and to have next to her proper emotional and professional support.

    Another major plus for Sweden is that they suggest mothers to breastfeed rather than rely on dubious commercial products. During the autumn we attended a breastfeeding course. Much to our surprise, the instructor was none other than Erika, our first midwife. We were happy to meet each other again. She told us that her daughter had experienced some serious heart problems, which is why she had been on extended sick leave.

    The course was quite useful, given how important it is to breastfeed correctly from the very beginning. We knew that the first weeks of the baby’s life are critical for building healthy feeding habits. Both Crina and I wanted to be well-prepared for the challenge. Even if men can’t breastfeed, as partners, we can at least absorb as much information as we can.

    As our due date approached, we tried to not care about due dates. Studying natural birthing methods had taught us that the concept of being “overdue” is often applied wrongly. If the child takes its time to come out then it is perhaps for a reason and the woman shouldn’t be treated as some sort of product that has exceeded its shelf life. In Sweden, they wait up to 2 weeks for the birth to start before even considering to interfere.

    Throughout the 9 months we obviously talked to a lot of people about children. Friends, work colleagues, family, random people. I was slightly annoyed with the general tendency to warn parents about the upcoming child as if some sort of professional catastrophe is about to happen. This usually comes in the guise of various jokes, but through repetition, it transforms into a sort of nasty noise. I soon learned to block the transmission of such experiences. I often interrupted such people and told them that I choose to see things differently.

    Important: surround yourself and your family with positive energy. All parents around you want to share baby stories, but try to focus on the positive ones while you are withbaby and perhaps even after birth. Return the favor: tell a future parent only the best of what you experienced, build hope, build confidence!

    Winter arrived and we set up our home for Christmas. The first snow came and melted in a week or so, but Crina still managed to go together with WinterKid for a few walks through snow-chocked sidewalks.

    Because we had chosen a hospital that was in another area of Stockholm, we were slightly worried that traffic might be a problem when driving towards that location. The motorway towards the hospital is chocked during rush-hours (roughly 6 hours per day). We were discussing this on a Friday evening, during late January, when we were returning from a beautiful dinner in Uppsala, also located north of Stockholm. We had enjoyed some spicy African food in the company of some of our closest friends here in Sweden. Spicy food is rumored to induce labor. There was one week left until the due date.

    [ax_meta lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/03008-Miruna-Thumb.jpg’ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’My Wife Became a Mother in Sweden – Part 2 – Birthplan’ desc=’In Sweden, if a mother asks for a C-section, it is not uncommon for the midwife to recommend some therapy sessions with a psychologist.’]

  • Swedish Megatunnel to Be Completed in 2026

    Swedish Megatunnel to Be Completed in 2026

    Time for a look into some amazing engineering. Sweden’s capital is experiencing increasing traffic difficulties due to both its growth and the growth of other cities in the country. This often generates traffic that exceeds the capacity of the current infrastructure.

    Major European road E4 currently passes through Stockholm, where it mixes with the local traffic, leading to unpleasant experiences for everybody involved. But come 2026, vehicles traveling the North-South direction close to the capital will benefit from one of the superstructures of the 21st century:

    https://arstechnica.com/cars/2018/03/can-you-build-an-environmentally-friendly-megatunnel-sweden-thinks-so/^

    And since I’m talking Stockholm and tunnels, I can also recommend having a look at how the Swedes are rebuilding the second-largest public transport^ hub in the city. They’re digging the entire bus terminal into a mountain^.

    [ax_meta lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/02962-SwedishMegatunnel-Thumb.jpg’ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’Swedish Megatunnel to Be Completed in 2026′ desc=’Come 2026, vehicles traveling the North-South direction close to Stockholm will benefit from one of the superstructures of the 21st century.’]

  • Stockholm – North’s Blue Emerald

    Stockholm – North’s Blue Emerald

    As the birds of steel approach the city from the Baltic Sea, the lucky travelers are treated to one of the most beautiful panoramas this planet has on offer. Thousands of little green islands scatter away from the Scandinavian mainland, emerald shards sinking into blue depths. Stockholm itself is not much different from the archipelago leading up to it, except that there’s more green than blue that surrounds this well-planned, clean and cozy capital.

    This picture of the Stockholm Archipelago was taken by another traveler. I saw it in better conditions (clear sky, low sun, golden light).
    This picture of the Stockholm Archipelago was taken by another traveler. I saw it in better conditions (clear sky, low sun, golden light).

    I was one of those lucky travelers when my plane approached the Arlanda airport some years ago during a clear-skied summer evening. I still remember the feeling of grandeur that crept up my spine as the landscape below was tempting the adventurer in me. Join me on a tour of the city (and surroundings) that I’ve felt as a “home” even before I knew it actually will become my home (I’ve been here for almost 9 years now).

    Arlanda Terminal 5, copyright Philip.
    Arlanda Terminal 5, copyright Philip.

    I arrived at the airport at around 20:00 and was picked up by Andrei, the man I’ll always be grateful to for giving me the opportunity to be here. The sun was still hours from setting since this was mid-July, close to the summer solstice. To give you an idea what this means, on the date when I arrived, the sun rose at 03:55 and set at 21:50, with a total day length of 17 hours and 54 minutes.

    I’m thankful for whoever chose dark amber as the predominant color for the area of Arlanda’s Terminal 5 where I exited the airplane. It resonated with the golden light of the late sun, creating a warm, cozy atmosphere as I was walking fast past deserted gates.

    Sankt Eriksplan, from the window of my first accommodation in Sweden.
    Sankt Eriksplan, from the window of my first accommodation in Sweden.

    The image above represents Stockholm very well. It’s a clean city with ample of green spaces, populated by well-maintained buildings with warm-colored facades. There are several large parks in the center of the city. Vasaparken is one of them and is situated right here at Sankt Eriksplan.

    Not a lot of traffic during the summer.
    Not a lot of traffic during the summer.

    A lot of Swedes leave the cities during the summer, so it’s easy to take pictures with seemingly deserted streets. The traffic infrastructure of the city has been built with plenty of wiggle-room in mind, even though in the past years it has begun to struggle. However, an amazing public transport system (among the best in the world) is saving most people from wasting time being stuck in traffic. Here’s the route planner^ (complete with price listings). Rechargeable travel cards can be purchased at SL centers in main transport hubs or, even easier, at any Pressbyran^ shop. And here’s a map of the metro^.

    One of the tunnels leading down into the new commuter train station opened in 2017. Get yourself 20 minutes and explore this marvel of engineering.
    One of the tunnels leading down into the new commuter train station opened in 2017. Get yourself 20 minutes and explore this marvel of engineering.

    But let us leave the city for a while. One of the best things a traveler can do in the Stockholm area is to get a boat ride through the gorgeous archipelago. My personal favorite is a trip to Sandhamn using a special kind of boat that takes the scenic route through parts of the archipelago where larger boats can’t fit. This is a day trip that is usually available from May to September. Make sure you don’t confuse this with the “usual” trip to Sandhamn, which makes use of faster boats, but goes via another route.

    The Swedes sure know how to build in harmony with nature.
    The Swedes sure know how to build in harmony with nature.

    The trip towards the archipelago showcases some of the most beautiful houses I’ve ever seen. I have a lot of appreciation for the effort that was put into integrating human dwellings with the natural habitat. Of course, there are even better ways to do it, but this is a step in the right direction. It’s an example of architecture that is respectful towards the environment. But let’s not get into how much a house like that costs.

    The Strömma Canal bridge as it lifted to allow our boat’s passage.
    The Strömma Canal bridge as it lifted to allow our boat’s passage.

    Towards Sandhamn, the vessel goes through the Strömma Canal^ which is very, very narrow. The guide will probably tell you about the devastation^ that a Russian fleet brought to the east coast of Sweden almost 300 years ago. The Russians suffered a humiliating defeat and were stopped somewhere around these parts.

    Beautiful scenery on the way to Sandhamn.
    Beautiful scenery on the way to Sandhamn.

    Eventually, human civilization falls behind and nature reigns. Boats usually make brief stops on some of the permanently inhabited islands, sometimes only to drop newspapers or mail. There’s not a lot of sand on these rocky formations so beaches are in short supply, but Sandhamn is called like that for a reason.

    Vaxholm, the “capital” of the Inner Stockholm Archipelago.
    Vaxholm, the “capital” of the Inner Stockholm Archipelago.

    Another good place to visit is the island and fortress of Vaxholm^. The city of Vaxholm is reachable by bus thanks to a network of bridges. There’s a cheap ferry that makes the connection with the stocky fortress. The island of Grinda^ is another good destination, especially for those that focus on nature rather than architecture.

    Valborg celebration in Gamla Stan (the Old Town).
    People with torches in Gamla Stan (the Old Town).

    And now let’s get back to Stockholm. This is not a picture of a riot, even though there have been some of those^ as well (definitely not something usual, but there are dark moments in every city’s history, especially when it comes to capitals).

    The Valborg bonfire.
    The Valborg bonfire.

    This is how Swedes celebrate Walpurgis^: with a huge bonfire (among other things). We’ve attended this one in 2010, during our first full year here in Stockholm.

    The “world’s longest art gallery”.
    The “world’s longest art gallery”.

    The Stockholm metro has been called “the world’s longest art gallery”. Indeed, there’s a lot of impressive, funny and perhaps even weird^ things to see when exploring the city via its more than 100 metro stations.

    The station at Kungsträdgården is one of the most impressive.
    The station at Kungsträdgården is one of the most impressive.

    I couldn’t find a better picture of the Kungsträdgården station, but it doesn’t matter. There are several online articles^ that feature good selections^ of Stockholm metro art^.

    Awwww… isn’t that cute? Hi Frida! Hi Carl Philip!
    Awwww… isn’t that cute? Hi Frida! Hi Carl Philip!

    One of the first things I noticed when I traveled with the metro here is that these guys actually went through the trouble of naming every single train car (each train has up to 3 long cars). How could I not fall in love with such a city?

    Here’s more metro art.
    Here’s more metro art.

    The trains are quite long and very well maintained. There’s also an impressive network of buses that reaches almost any place you might want to go throughout the Stockholm metropolitan area. They are also extremely punctual, except when it snows a bit too much^.

    Random fact time: tap water here is among the purest in the world.

    In the market for a guitar?
    In the market for a guitar?

    Art, and especially music, is blossoming in Stockholm. A newly renovated^ music high-school ensures that future generations have ample opportunities to develop their skills. Creatives are pouring into and swarming around the city. The fact that the capital has become a regional technology hub contributes to the artistic growth.

    Hellasgården. Not to be spelled “hell as garden”.
    Hellasgården. Not to be spelled “hell as garden”.

    All around Stockholm, parks and nature reserves abound. One of our favorites is Hellasgården, south of the city, easily reachable by bus (15 minutes) from centrally located public transport hub, Slussen. Follow the marked path to circle the Källtorp lake. It takes about 1.5 hours. Beautiful views are waiting for you to behold.

    Oh, hello there.
    Oh, hello there.

    There’s a small touristic village here, featuring a restaurant, several cottages and a sauna. Sporting events are organized all year-round. In the winter, they make a skating rink and one can circle the lake while steaming, naked people run out of the sauna and throw themselves into the ice-cold water at a specially maintained area next to the shore.

    The Flaten lake and nature reserve.
    The Flaten lake and nature reserve.

    Also one bus away from central Stockholm is Flaten, a lake that supposedly has the best water quality around the capital. The accompanying nature reserve is swarming with people gathering mushrooms during certain autumn weekends. There are two small sand beaches that are quite busy during the summer.

    Raising of the Maypole during Midsummer day at the Tyresta national park.
    Raising of the Maypole during Midsummer day at the Tyresta national park.

    Midsummer day is very important for Swedes. Close to Stockholm lies the Tyresta national park and castle. We’ve been lucky to celebrate Midsummer there in 2010.

    Midsummer day at Hellasgården.
    Midsummer day at Hellasgården.

    Do keep in mind that what you’re seeing above is just 15 minutes away from a bustling capital (in Scandinavian terms). There’s no traffic, no hubbub, just forest, rocks, water and positive vibes. Oh, and clean air, just like in the rest of Scandinavia as a matter of fact.

    Autumn at Hellasgården.
    Autumn at Hellasgården.

    But wait a minute, isn’t this city supposed to be “somewhere in the North”? Where are the polar bears roaming on the streets, picking off half-frozen people from bus stations? Don’t worry, I haven’t been avoiding the subject of winter.

    Winter, NOT as advertised.
    Winter, NOT as advertised.

    Thanks to its proximity to the Baltic Sea and to global warming, Stockholm winters aren’t that tough, at least not for me. My home town in Transylvania experiences more snow and colder winters, albeit not as dark and not as long. Yes, it gets quite dark, with the day length dropping to just over 6 hours during the winter solstice.

    But when it snows…
    But when it snows…

    Sure, there are times when we get buried a bit^, but remember that thing I said about an awesome public transport system? Because so many people rely on it, the Swedes won’t let themselves be buried for too long.

    … it’s magical.
    … it’s like in the fairy tales.

    Personally, I love winters here. It’s the coziest time of the year. Almost everybody puts something shining and colorful in the window. It’s a time for snuggling in bed with a warm cup of tea and enjoying a good movie, or for doing some quality gaming in the dark. There are lots of indoor swimming pools, climbing arenas and many other places one can burn calories and time.

    Stockholm in the winter.
    Stockholm in the winter.

    Cold weather? As the (sometimes annoying) saying goes: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing”. Those that visit during the winter should definitely pack underpants and thick jackets. In Stockholm it’s not the temperature that gets you, it’s the humid wind courtesy of the Baltic Sea. The thermometer rarely goes under -15 Celsius and usually hovers around -10 to -5, sometimes even around 0.

    Spring explosion.
    Spring explosion.

    Spring hits sometime around mid-April, give or take half a month. Yeah, that’s a long winter, although there are several warm days scattered through November and March. When spring does arrive, it’s an explosion of happiness. Stockholmers pour out and bask in the sun on every bench around town, occupy every sidewalk and find every excuse to be out in the light.

    Celebrating spring over at Kungsträdgården.
    Celebrating spring over at Kungsträdgården.

    Thanks to all the green spaces, it’s a city where one can truly celebrate spring. We try to walk underneath the blossoming Japanese cherry trees at Kungsträdgården every year. At this same location, during winter, they set up a skating rink. Kungsträdgården hosts various gatherings year-round (concerts, exhibitions, commercial and political events).

    A very usual roundabout somewhere in a Stockholm suburb where this writer might live.
    A very usual roundabout somewhere in a Stockholm suburb where this writer might live.

    Here are some other fun things one can do in Stockholm: get a subscription for the city bikes^. It’s cheap and there are lots of pick-up & drop-off points. Go visit the Drottningholm palace or the Haga park. Enjoy the awesome view and in the same time have a tasty dinner up in the Kaknästornet television tower^. And I can’t forget my favorite museum: Fotografiska^, located at walking distance from Slussen. And since you’re in the area, don’t miss the chance to eat at one of the best vegetarian restaurants in the Swedish capital: Herman’s^.

    The changing of the guards at the Royal Palace.
    The changing of the guards at the Royal Palace.

    In Gamla Stan (the Old Town) one can find such points of interest as the Nobel Museum (overrated in my opinion) and the Royal Palace (not terribly impressive either). And of course, there are several streets filled to the brim with overpriced cafes and souvenir shops. There are two restaurants I can recommend in the area: the vegetarian Hermitage and the absolutely fabulous Viking-themed Aifur^.

    Every day around noon (depending on weekday and season) one can enjoy the changing of the guards with military fanfare. The Royal Palace is only used by the royal family during official events. They normally reside at Drottningholm. Oh, speaking of royalty…

    The closest we ever got to royalty.
    The closest we ever got to royalty.

    This is a picture of King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia that we took during the Swedish National day in 2010. They crossed barely five meters from where we were standing.

    Royal guards.
    Royal guards.

    Go on a promenade along the famous Strandvägen and don’t be surprised if you see people riding horses (not necessarily the royal guards). As you walk on Strandvägen coming from the center of Stockholm, you will find Djurgårdsbron, the bridge over to Djurgården, which is the island hosting some of Stockholm’s most important attractions.

    Blurry Vasa (I had a smudge on my lens and it ruined about half a day worth of pictures).
    Blurry Vasa (I had a smudge on my lens and it ruined about half a day worth of pictures).

    The Vasa Museum^ is one of the most visited museums in Scandinavia for good reason. It’s built around a huge warship that sunk in what was a shameful failure for the Swedish naval forces. However, fast forward 400 years and the Swedes have turned it around into one of the best museums I’ve been in (and which probably more than paid for the loss of the ship, the expenses to recuperate it and some jokes about the Swedish navy). Well planned and organized, the Vasa is a must-see if you’re into going to museums.

    The Nordic Museum. The Vasa Museum is visible behind it. Picture taken from Wikipedia, Creative Commons license.
    The Nordic Museum. The Vasa Museum is visible behind it. Picture taken from Wikipedia, Creative Commons license.

    And while you’re at it, make sure you at least go into the Nordic Museum for a couple of minutes. It’s situated right next to the Vasa. It’s a very impressive structure. The museum itself is excellent if you’re interested in the history of Scandinavia all the way from ancient times.

    Make sure you ride the Free Fall Tilt (without your shoes on! You’ll understand why when you see it). Picture taken from Wikipedia, Creative Commons license.
    Make sure you ride the Free Fall Tilt (without your shoes on! You’ll understand why when you see it). Picture taken from Wikipedia, Creative Commons license.

    On Djurgården you can also find the Gröna Lund^ amusement park, open spring-autumn. On most late afternoons they also host a concert, sometimes featuring pretty famous names. A beautiful park surrounds Prince Eugene’s Waldemarsudde^, an art museum. Right across from Djurgården you can find the Sea History Museum^, the Technical Museum^ and the Ethnographic Museum^. With this many attractions and so much nature all around, the Djurgården area offers plenty of opportunity for charming walks.

    Stepping back in time at Skansen.
    Stepping back in time at Skansen.

    Also on Djurgården you can find the Skansen open-air Museum^. It’s a recreation of a long-gone Sweden. Year-round, the employees of the museum illustrate life as it was a long time ago. They walk around and go about their business in the exact same clothes people here were wearing hundreds of years ago. Enter one of the many cottages and see them work iron, glass and furs, or listen to them play the violin and sing folk songs during the winter, sitting by the fireplace. There are many events for family and children at Skansen.

    Water mill.
    Water mill.

    They either re-created or brought entire structures from all over Sweden. The museum covers a large area so you can consider it a day trip. There’s also a zoo featuring animals from Sweden. Some of them are kept in decent conditions while others have very little living space, something that really doesn’t sit well with me.

    Old dwelling at Skansen, featuring the Nordic Museum far in the background.
    Old dwelling at Skansen, featuring the Nordic Museum far in the background.

    There is an even worse zoo at the bottom of the park where they caged exotic animals. It is at that zoo where a couple of years ago it struck me more intensely than ever just how terrible these places are. Inside one of the “large” enclosures I saw two monkeys perched next to one of the few windows of the enclosure, looking outside towards a freedom they will probably never experience.

    The place is contradictory to the Swedes’ general respect towards animals and the environment. But having a zoo is still considered around the world as providing some sort of “educational value”, despite the fact that it also presents children with a skewed image of reality – that of animals seen as some sort of play-things or curiosities for us to catalogue. I feel that this is more harmful than whatever is gained by seeing an animal up-close rather than in a documentary. And that’s it for today’s ethics lesson :).

    The cloudy ballet.
    The cloudy ballet.

    Millesgården^ is another good museum with plenty of open-air art. It is situated on the island of Lidingö, easily accessible with public transport. It’s mostly focused on sculptures, some of them appearing to defy the laws of nature (but it’s all just physics).

    Reaching for the sky at Millesgården.
    Reaching for the sky at Millesgården.

    Stockholm is a safe city given its size and cultural diversity. With that in mind, yes, there are a couple of neighborhoods that I would recommend staying clear of: Tensta, Rinkeby and Husby. But there really isn’t any major risk if you mind your own business. Nothing on the scale of what you can get yourself into in (much) bigger cities such as Paris, London, Rio or New York.

    Enjoying a day out at sea.
    Enjoying a day out at sea.

    Last I heard, about one in every seven Stockholmers own a boat. I think a better statistic is that seven out of ten people speak English here. Half of them speak it very well.

    Stockholm peoples (a paraphrasing of Alan Watts’ expression that just like the apple tree apples, the Earth peoples). Those are my wife and son in that picture.
    Stockholm peoples (a paraphrasing of Alan Watts’ expression that “just like the apple tree apples, the Earth peoples”). Those are my wife and son in that picture.

    I am happy to say that I consider myself lucky to have been shaped by this city. No matter what my future holds, I am fortunate to have lived here for almost 9 years and counting. I arrived here as a stressed-out Romanian immigrant. This city and its inhabitants worked miracles on me. Together with my new-found home I also had the courage to start a family, something that Sweden is wonderful for (but more on that in a future article).

    Stockholm is also quite contradictory at times. It is a place that offers many temptations and a lot of Swedes have fallen prey to the hyper-consumerism push^ coming from the United States, a country they seem to look up to for reasons I can’t really comprehend. And yet, it is a place that encourages personal evolution and reinvention. Like anything in life, it is what you make it. For me, Stockholm is the place I was born again.

    My proposed soundtrack for reading this text:

    Wardruna – Dagr^

    Fever Ray – Keep The Streets Empty For Me^

    [ax_meta fbimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/02626-StockholmNorthernBlueEmerald-Share.jpg’ lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/02626-StockholmNorthernBlueEmerald-Thumb.jpg’ fbimgw=’1170′ fbimgh=’350′ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’Stockholm – North's Blue Emerald’ desc=’Here are the best things to see and do in this clean and modern city surrounded by nature reserves and sea.’]

  • Once upon a Snowy November Day in Stockholm

    Once upon a Snowy November Day in Stockholm

    Our neighborhood got dressed in white earlier than usual this year. We woke up to the beautiful dance of snowflakes waltzing to join their fallen brethren upon the immaculate lands below. I felt happy, as if I knew that an amazing day was about to unfold. Maybe I read it in the snowfall. Winter’s white can hide more than just the colors below. What if snow found a way to hide time from us as well? Then perhaps voices from the future reading these words whispered loud enough for me to hear their echoes.

    My wife and I rely on buses to get to work. A quick weather forecast check combined with what we saw outside yielded the natural conclusion that we should work from home today. Crina, however, was quite determined to make the trip towards central Stockholm.

    She left the apartment at 8:40, hoping to catch either of the two buses that use separate routes to reach the city. I watched her from our window, a small figure wading through the snow together with our unborn 7-month old. The bus arrived in the station just seconds before she could see that part of the street. I cringed inside when I saw her trying to make a run for it only to soon realize she’ll have to wait for the next bus.

    While I was initially determined to stay at home, a combination of factors led me to do the opposite. I felt like on this day I should join her in Stockholm. There was also an important project meeting scheduled for the afternoon. Besides, snowing means “wonderful weather” in my book. Better experience it fully. So, I dressed as fast as I could and went out at around 9 o’clock.

    The number of people waiting in the station was not a good omen. It smelled like traffic chaos. It smelled like delays with a charming aroma of cancellations and a garnish of cursing the gray clouds that were sieving snow with relentless determination. I got on the bus anyway, knowing that at least I’ll be around friends and family sooner or later.

    Challenge accepted!
    Challenge accepted!

    The northbound motorway was looking surprisingly well, all things considered. Turns out my wife had taken the different route, through Sickla, a neighborhood situated immediately to the south-east of Stockholm. While I was making my way into the city from the south, she reported back that her bus was stuck somewhere between Sickla and our own town of Älta. I was far luckier, managing to get all the way to the metro station with less than ten minutes of delay. From there, I had no problems reaching work, where people were busy making sense of the election results over in the USA.

    One hour later, Crina was still stuck in the same bus. She was feeling quite entertained by the situation. It was hard not to, with the hypnotic dance of snowflakes promising cozy afternoons and sweet holidays. But after two hours of sitting in the same bus and advancing less than a kilometer, impatience started to gnaw its way through her armor of child-like winter enthusiasm.

    Hundreds of years after the ice age, aliens start finding these snowed-in buses
    Hundreds of years after the ice age, aliens start finding these snowed-in buses

    Meanwhile, I enjoyed a beautiful walk outside together two friends as we went to grab lunch at around 11:30. Stockholm was slowly but surely getting snowed in. I felt a bit guilty because despite the majority’s displeasure with the weather, my enthusiasm was growing at the same pace as the streets were becoming harder to navigate. We later found out that this had been the snowiest November day in 111 years.

    It shouldn’t come as a surprise then that my wife was stuck in the same bus when my mates and I got back at work. After almost three hours there, hunger and thirst became issues. As fate would have it, the bus had made it quite close to a major shopping center, so I advised her to bail on the attempt to reach the office and make her way to a restaurant until traffic resumes.

    Traffic didn’t resume. In fact, it got worse. Even the bus line I had used to get to work during the morning got cancelled. Having spent about an hour in a restaurant, Crina made an attempt to at least get back home. After waiting for 40 minutes in a station, she eventually managed to get on another bus. The vehicle managed to travel about two centimeters in half an hour. She went back to the Sickla shopping mall.

    All buses got cancelled. We were now officially stranded in Stockholm. And judging by the weather forecast, this wasn’t going to go away anytime soon, so I started planning for a way to get us home that didn’t involve rubber wheels. Suspecting my wife won’t enjoy going through this alone, I planned to go get her from Sickla using the metro and then jumping on a commuter train. The railroad seemed to cope quite well for now. It also presented an opportunity to get home by using the metro to reach a neighboring town. From there, there would be a 40 minutes’ walk to our home in Älta.

    Guess why the buses got cancelled...
    Guess why the buses got cancelled…

    I busted out of the office at around 15:45. The metro had some delays, but nothing cataclysmic. I managed to squeeze in the first one that arrived in the station. Rarely have I seen a Swedish metro packed to such a degree, but I wasn’t taking any chances waiting for the next one. Twenty minutes later I was back at Gullmarsplan, the train station and major commuter hub where I had been during the morning. I could already feel the confusion settling in among fellow travellers, as sure as the snow was burying their hopes of getting home in time for dinner.

    The commuter train between Gullmarsplan and Sickla had moderate delays, but I was lucky and there was one arriving at the platform just as I rushed down the stairs in my usual “controlled-crash” fashion. I knew we have a long way to get home, but instead of this dampening my enthusiasm, it enhanced it. Somehow, I felt it will all be fine, so I tuned my inner radio to the “romantic winter” frequency. And so, I headed into the black Nordic afternoon on board the commuter train, sliding through the snowflakes towards Sickla where Crina was waiting for me.

    I double-checked with a fellow traveler that the train’s end station was as close as possible to the Sickla shopping center, also telling her about my railroad-only plan to get home. She assured me that it was the best alternative to get to Älta given the weather outside. Then, with barely two stops to go, the train driver announced something in Swedish. It didn’t sound good.

    Given the poor state of my Swedish at the time, I asked another fellow traveler what the driver had said. The passenger wasn’t worried. The announcement had been about a mere 3 minutes delay ‘til departure due to another train being in the way. I didn’t trust the estimate, so I asked yet another traveler how far are we from the end station. Just a few hundred meters was the answer.

    The Swede who had translated the driver’s announcement for me said he overheard that I was going to Sickla. He offered to walk together with me to the shopping mall, saying he’s headed to a train station located nearby. Just like that, we both decided to leave the train and walk the rest of the way.

    We connected like two good friends that haven’t seen each other in a while. I learned he’s working in the same field as I do – information technology. It got better. He was a manager looking for work. As luck would have it, my employer was actually looking for managers at the time. He had heard about the company I worked for but still welcomed my insider information, namely that I was very happy there and working alongside some fantastic brothers and sisters.

    There we were, appreciating this beautiful black & white Swedish afternoon, talking about children and life in general while snowflakes were congregating on our clothes. Only when we parted did we bother to exchange worldly details. It was as if only then we realized that we’ve just met fifteen minutes earlier.

    As usual when out of the ordinary things happen, humans tend to become more social. I’m sure this adaptation has gotten our species out from more than one mess in the past. It’s even better when two people who are natural communicators meet, which I believe was the case on this day. Looking back, there was something more to it I think, a sort of compatibility that defies our current understanding of human interaction.

    People transformed what would have been a beautiful but solitaire work from home day into an inspirational exploration of human nature. I love it when the beautiful aspects of society hit me like that. We have a gift of uplifting energy that shines from every single one of us, at least as long as we open up and allow the light to find other open souls to illuminate.

    So, these two open guys that had traveled a short but meaningful time together said goodbye to each other. Anders went to catch his train and I dived straight for the shopping center where Crina was waiting for me.

    Even though we had seen each other just seven hours prior, the adventurous day made my heart tingle more than usual when I saw her curly hair flowing down her shoulders. She was sitting at a café. I approached from her left, winter dripping off my jacket. When she looked at me, I started to shake the snow that had found refuge in every crease of my clothes, as if to say “see babe? See what I went through to come and get you? I’m your hero!” The result was as expected and I got the kiss the knight in shiny armor deserves.

    After a quick pit stop, we headed back into the weather for the 20 minutes’ walk back to the commuter train that should then bring us back to Gullmarsplan. From there, the plan was to grab a metro to Skarpnäck – the closest town to our Älta. Above, the sky was taking its flock of clouds to other places. It stopped snowing about halfway to the train station.

    Meanwhile in central Stockholm
    Meanwhile in central Stockholm

    We missed the train with about 10 seconds. It left the platform exactly as we were stepping onto it. So, we waited. And waited. And waited. There were regular announcements about “delays due to weather”. After about 15 minutes, a rail snowplow showed up. The platform had filled up with quite a few travelers. Much to our simultaneous amusement and dismay, the snowplow got snowed in just as it was leaving the station. Two guys got out and, equipped with shovels, proceeded to salvage the snowplow. For reasons I would only understand at the end of the day, I wasn’t too worried.

    It took another quarter of an hour for a train to make its way into this end station at long last. By now, we had begun to feel the winter’s bite so we welcomed our way out. The crowd of weather-frustrated passengers rushed inside the warm cars, almost filling the train up.

    Meanwhile, all around us on every street, cars were so badly stuck it was difficult to even estimate how fast they were moving. One centimeter a minute seemed like an optimistic assessment. I felt quite sorry for the poor brethren, even more-so for those on urgent business. My wintry fairy tale weather might have been a hell for somebody trying to reach a hospital’s emergency ward.

    Back at Gullmarsplan, we went and got ourselves some nutrition from a Pressbyrån shop. Out of a sort of masochism, we checked to see if there’s any bus leaving towards Älta. There wasn’t any bus leaving towards anywhere. More than a few confused travellers were milling about the station. We descended to the rail platforms. We didn’t have to wait for too long. The metro was coping well with the weather, despite it having several stations on the surface, including this one. We boarded the train towards Skarpnäck.

    Four stations later, a dude wearing sunglasses entered the car, half walking half dancing to an unheard song. He zipped up his fly while groovin’ past our seats and exited through the door behind us. I heard a “clank” from behind me. Soon after, the metro signaled that the doors are closing and prepared for departure. But it didn’t move at all. I realized that the door behind us hadn’t closed. And we were doing so well…

    I got up and investigated the door. Couldn’t figure out what the dude had done to it. Another passenger revealed that the emergency brake had been pulled. Somebody went to get the driver. I stepped out and saw our prankster heading towards the end of the platform. He was completely “in the zone”, probably on some sort of stimulants.

    When the driver arrived, the dude had reached the end of the platform. He was dancing and not giving a damn about anything in this world. Even though I didn’t perceive him as violent, I warned the driver to not get adventurous. A good dance routine shouldn’t be disturbed by us mere mortals.

    With yet another hurdle in getting us home, I started to feel the “epic value” of this day going off the chart. We were lucky because the procedure to unblock the train was quite simple. The driver ordered us in. He then used the lever he was carrying to rotate the emergency brake knob back into its normal position. The doors closed. Five minutes later, we arrived at Skarpnäck at last.

    Outside the station, a woman was giving directions to those who were standing out as “not from around this part o’town”. This was easy to determine based on the level of confusion on people’s faces upon exiting the underground. Seeing the dazzled tourist in us, of course she tried to help. She also realized our Swedish wasn’t exactly good. We told her we’re heading to Älta. She pointed us in the right direction and advised us to have water and a bit of food for the trip home. What? Did she think we can’t manage a 40 minutes’ walk? She did, but Swedes are among the most well-planned and procedure-oriented people I know. At times like this, it is of tremendous help.

    As if to lend some strength to the woman’s advice, we made a mistake interpreting the GPS. We ended up in a deserted park, taking the long way around to the road towards Älta. Crina’s enthusiasm for the weather had been grinded down by the hours spent waiting in various places, but for me the adventure was in full swing.

    The park was the stuff of fairy tales. We left our footsteps upon its white silence. The trees were loaded with snow. It felt like we were walking through winter’s garden. It had been waiting there for us, undisturbed for many years. There was no sign whatsoever that this place had probably been quite busy just several hours ago. We realized we ought to be careful walking there when we stepped over a tree’s fallen branch that had snapped underneath its snowy burden.

    Soon enough, we rejoined the road to home. To my surprise, there were no vehicles trapped on this street, no endless queue of frustrated drivers. Actually, every few minutes or so, a car would travel in the same direction as we did. An idea started to take shape in my head: how about we hitch a ride back home? I wanted to surprise Crina with yet another save for today, but how to do it?

    There was an intersection outside of Skarpnäck that we were about to reach soon. I figured that’s a good place to go for a hitchhiking attempt. As we were walking in that direction, I was constantly thinking, plotting about how I could get us home faster and with less effort. I planned to either yell our destination to passing drivers, or write it in capitals on the large screen of my aging Galaxy Note 3.

    After the heavy snowfall, there came a moody mist, bringing with it the unique smell of winter. Street lighting was squeezing luminous blades through the branches of the trees, cutting shadowy planes for us to sail through. We made our way to the intersection, walking single file on the narrow path sculpted by people’s steps over winter’s flesh.

    We reached the intersection where I planned to begin “operation hitchhike”. We crossed the first street. I was just about to tell Crina what the plan is when an SUV stopped in the intersection, just meters from us. The driver, who had arrived from the exact direction I was hoping to see a car from, got out and asked something in Swedish. I didn’t understand what he asked but I did understand that yes, this happened. In the exact same spot that I had been planning for the past 10 minutes to hitch a ride from, a vehicle was now stopped and the driver was asking us where we’re going. It was so unreal that it had to be real.

    A minute later, we were heading home on the back seats of a warm and comfortable car. I had to make an effort to not thank the driver more than three times. Of course I told him about the coincidence of him happening to stop his car seconds before I planned to start my hitchhiking attempts. To him and his brother – who he had just picked up from the same metro station where we came from – it was just a friendly save, something humans do under threatening circumstances. I couldn’t help but admire the way Swedes pull together when anything disturbing happens. We had the same thing happen to us on another occasion during a much darker adventure two years ago when we were involved in a car crash with a moose.

    Before we left the car, I asked for our saviors’ names. We spared no kind words in thanking Anders and Robert. Soon, we were walking back home, feeling peaceful and happy. I knew others were less lucky today. We got out of it with a story to tell. I still couldn’t believe how wonderful this day ended up being.

    Once upon a Snowy November Day in Stockholm
    Once upon a Snowy November Day in Stockholm

    Later on, I lay in bed not being able to sleep. I was too focused on being thankful for the day that I lived. Recollecting various events, I realized that the man who had driven us home shared the same name as the manager I met in the train. It’s a rather common Swedish name, but I still perceived this as… interesting.

    Then, I thought about the dancing brother that had pulled the emergency brake on the metro. I thought about missing the train at Sickla and all the events that had conspired to get us in Anders’ car at the end of the day, completing a journey that I will always remember as an example for letting go and floating on the river of life. Days like this make me experience feelings that are best left far beyond the constricting nature of language.

    “There are no coincidences, just elements working together towards a common goal.”

    – Anonymous

     

    Can’t say I’m surprised that now, when adding the finishing touches on this text, mother Nature decided to give us the third snowy November day. I feel like I’ve been gifted another taste of one of those unique feelings that I don’t dare paint in words.

    Disclaimer: none of the pictures in the story were taken by me.

    [ax_meta fbimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/01473-OnceUponASnowyNovemberDay-Share.jpg’ lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/01473-OnceUponASnowyNovemberDay-Thumb.jpg’ fbimgw=’1170′ fbimgh=’350′ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’Once upon a Snowy November Day in Stockholm’ desc=’Our neighborhood got dressed in white earlier than usual this year. We woke up to the beautiful dance of snowflakes waltzing to join their fallen brethren upon the immaculate lands below.’]