Tag Archives: pride

Dealing With Criticism

Leave a comment

Unsurprisingly, a web search for “dealing with criticism” will yield a lot of results. Advice and solutions have been explored and discussed already by people with a lot of experience in psychology and social dynamics. By going through some of the top results the reader is sure to find a wealth of useful information.

Rather than remixing bullet point lists and coming up with stale advice, what I’m going to do is to go back to the basics. This entry is concerned with the only thing which is really, truly important in the matter. And that is…

To change or not to change

By far, the most important decision a person must make after receiving criticism is whether the changes it implies are necessary or even welcomed. If the answer is “no”, then the next step is to be thankful for receiving the time and attention of the critic and then to move on as fast as possible. We should waste no time or feelings when we decide that a change is not necessary.

If the answer is “yes”, then half of the work is already done because this internal acknowledgement is a powerful motivator. What follows is a mixture of integration and communication with the critic, a mental process which should generate decisions.

It takes humbleness and courage to accept and start integrating criticism, but the rewards can be great indeed. By virtue of having a different life experience, the perspective shared by other persons can become a priceless asset. This is not always apparent, so it sometimes can be quite a hurdle to open the door to change.

Once this fundamental decision is made though, the really fun part can finally begin, which is to find how to integrate the external feedback with one’s own work and thought processes. Finding the best of both worlds is challenging but rewarding.

Tune in to usefulness

Not to waste time, let’s not even bother with destructive or unskilled criticism. More often than not, a person will eventually realize when feedback is being given in an aggressive, spiteful way, when it is incorrect or when it is simply not applicable. We’ve all been in such situations. There are many ways through which one can unmask useless criticism. That web search I mentioned earlier is a good starting place for finding such information. I liked these two^ lists^.

Understanding the importance of the other members of society is vital. The criticized person must single out those that can offer valuable feedback. Good, true, useful criticism can come from anywhere. Being personally involved, friends and family usually offer a passionate flavor of advice, which can be delivered in all sorts of ways, from diplomatic to downright depressing. On the other hand, people who don’t have a close personal connection with the person being criticized are less biased.

It is beneficial to gather opinion from both these camps. The critics can be seen as translators – they receive intellectual information and interpret it based on their own life experience. In this way, we can perceive our work or decisions from different vantage points.

Criticism can quickly become overwhelming not only in intensity but also in numbers. Prioritizing the trusted and respected sources of feedback is essential. And never forget that change is not always for the best and it is equally important to not be led astray as it is to improve. The goal is to reach a more desirable state.

Science, art, lifestyle

When receiving criticism, there are significant differences in the way its worthiness can be judged. Sometimes feedback is given against a set of known rules, whereas other times the frame of reference is abstract.

In exact sciences, the worthiness of a piece of advice can be determined with ease. For example if I write bad software, a fellow programmer will have no trouble to support his opinion with undefeatable arguments.

In art, however, things are much more difficult. Art is a deeply personal experience, so we should try to focus on feedback that pertains to skill rather than the overall artistic direction. This is not to say that we can’t take valuable decisions derived from opinion-based criticism, but it is more difficult to balance one’s art with somebody else’s opinion of how it should look or feel. Yet, many artists have done so successfully and have perfected themselves, increasing their popularity.

Our lifestyle is probably the toughest area when dealing with criticism. It’s not that it’s difficult to realize when the advice is correct, but lifestyle is one of the hardest things to change. It can take tremendous effort to modify entrenched habits and conceptions. But in this case, that intense effort can lead to fantastic strides forward, since all that we do, in all other areas, is influenced by the way we live.

In being able to communicate precise concepts to each other, we humans have an enormous advantage. Receiving, accepting and handling feedback is a blessing of the society we are part of. I believe that this life is one long learning experience, and the most efficient way of learning is from a teacher. Good critics are our own private teachers. Be mindful of this opportunity.

[ax_meta fbimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/201601-0130-DealingWithCriticismShare.jpg’ lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/201601-0130-DealingWithCriticismThumb.jpg’ fbimgw=’1170′ fbimgh=’350′ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’Dealing With Criticism’ desc=’Rather than remixing bullet point lists and coming up with stale advice, what I'm going to do is to go back to the basics. This entry is concerned with the only thing which is really, truly important in the matter. And that is…’]

Perfectionism: Curse or Blessing?

8 Comments

Professionally, perfectionism can be a source of great achievements. But the satisfaction of observing good results when applying this principle can quietly lead to a dangerous imbalance. There is a darker side to perfectionism, a way of thinking that worms its way into one’s mind, suffocating the creative process. Perfectionism can easily become too much of a good thing.

Balance is probably the most important mental aptitude when dealing with this issue. By knowing when to give up the endless quest for perfection, one can deliver impressive results in a timely fashion. But finding that balance can be an elusive task.

The knife

Imagine somebody sharpening a knife. At one point, the knife becomes sharp enough to be of good use. But then the person decides to sharpen it even more. The knife becomes extremely sharp. Even though that fine blade will deteriorate soon, it definitely provides a better experience for a while. Still not satisfied, our perfectionist decides to sharpen the knife further.

What happens afterwards, as you can probably imagine, is that the knife’s blade loses from its material without becoming sharper. Even worse, the blade might start to exhibit other problems that arise from excessive sharpening. Obviously, the tool used to refine the blade will also lose material. And last but not least, it’s wasted time.

This analogy helped me a lot. I managed to realize how redacting my work excessively can quickly become wasteful. I usually went through at least five revisions before publishing anything, sometimes more. From a certain point onwards, I was simply changing words and then changing them back. I discovered that it’s infinitely more useful and pleasant to ask for a second opinion rather than hammering at the text ad infinitum.

Pride

Perfectionism makes good friends with pride. The positive results obtained through this intensely self-scrutinizing creative process can be very encouraging. Therefore, it is not surprising when one starts to take pride in this way of working. However, it’s an unfortunate symbiosis and can easily lead to abusing the method. And we’ve already seen what that can cause.

Pride becomes both a trap and an excuse to stubbornly cling to a wasteful process. It can be very hard for a perfectionist to own up to this. I speak from experience. Ideals can spawn the most convincing of illusions. Feelings of superiority provide the perfect fuel for pride to burn, intoxicating the mind.

The blessing

Despite these dangers, perfectionism can be a positive trait and a very important one at that. When wielded with care and balance, it acts like a distiller of quality. There are many factors involved in any creative activity – imagination, talent, experience, knowledge, ambition, consistency and the list goes on. Producing a satisfying end result requires these varied factors to play together harmoniously.

But the perfectionists don’t stop at “satisfying”. They don’t stop at “good” either. This extra ingredient, the additional amount of effort spent, is usually the difference between “good” and “great”.

I’m far from saying that only perfectionists can produce great things. Perfectionism is just another thought process among dozens of others that we have labeled using various words. However, when applied in good measure, it is a strong ingredient. And yet, it is never a guarantee.

Conclusion

While preparing to publish this, I had a rather amusing experience revising an entry which deals with how one should handle their inner critic. Through this short exploration, I realized that it is better to accept the possibility of another reviewer finding mistakes later – and learn from them – rather than sacrificing precious time in order to avoid the unavoidable. As a rule on Mentatul, I never revise a text more than four times before publishing it. I hope it was enough to allow these words to deliver their meaning in an efficient and pleasant way.

There are several ways through which we can set ourselves free from the shackles of our inner critics. A good first step is to involve our close ones into our work, especially those that already hold us in high regard. Humans excel at team work and can provide much-needed encouragement.  Even more importantly is that we understand that it is ultimately in our own power – and best interest – to move forward, despite our insecurity or dissatisfaction. Starting with less important activities, we can learn to say “I’ve done my best. It’s time to move on.”

The extremes in which perfectionism finds itself are due to its “absolute value”. It is a rather intense character trait to have. When one falls into the many temptations and traps along the way, the consequences can be tragic, take depression for example. But when used wisely, perfectionism can lead to beautiful results.

[ax_meta fbimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/201601PerfectionCurseOrBlessing.jpg’ lnimgurl=’http://mentatul.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/201601PerfectionCurseOrBlessingThumb.jpg’ fbimgw=’1170′ fbimgh=’350′ lnimgw=’250′ lnimgh=’250′ title=’Perfectionism: Curse or Blessing?’ desc=’Professionally, perfectionism can be a source of great achievements. But the satisfaction of observing good results when applying this principle can quietly lead to a dangerous imbalance.’]