Eye of Vatican

Catholic Church Releases “PopEye” Digital Guardian Angel

Less than a month after introducing the SalveAtion Digital Assistant to the world, the Catholic Church is at it again. Wishing to expand its virtual economy, the Church has identified several key areas for improvement. Enter PopEye, a faithful’s most faithful guardian angel, designed to keep track of the user’s sins or lack thereof.

In case you haven’t been following the news, SalveAtion – launched three weeks ago – allows Catholics to purchase various Church services using a virtual currency called the innoCent. The currency can be gained by the faithful when they listen and share sermons or convert their friends to Catholicism. innoCents can also be purchased for real money. However, Vatican’s Business Intelligence division has noticed that shortly after SalveAtion went out of beta, purchases of innoCents took a nosedive. This is where PopEye comes in.

Catholic Church Launches SalveAtion Digital Assistant

Catholic Church Introduces “SalveAtion” Digital Assistant

Faced with the prospect of ever-decreasing popularity, the old religions are starting to take serious measures in order to catch up. Taking some cues from the world’s fastest growing religion, Consumerism^, the Catholic Church has launched a promising new product.

“SalveAtion is one part virtual church and one part shop”, declared father Pepe Monezi, archcoder of the application. “We’re streaming an ever-increasing number of sermons. Faithful Catholics will receive in-app currency when sharing religious content on popular social networks or when convincing their friends or relatives to join our religion.

The Church’s newly established Digital Deliverance department is in charge with developing the application under the leadership of archbishop Dominicus Panteos. We asked the archbishop for more details about the in-app currency:

“Our digital currency is the innoCent. The faithful will be able to gather innoCents by doing good deeds, listening and sharing sermons and convincing others to install SalveAtion and baptize themselves. Of course, innoCents can also be purchased with real money.”